I like to call what I’m doing now ‘time off’ because I really sat down and thought through where I needed to be. I prioritized, and it took me forever, and it took a lot of mistakes but I know better now. I found the difference between things I value, things I love, and things that just the right fit. I slacked in school when I first started college because my heart wasn’t in what I was doing and it was a downhill slope until I got out of it. In getting out, I opened so many doors and saw so much beauty in between the black and white. I feel like I understand what I was afraid of. Safe to say I want to be a nurse. I also want to sing, and draw, and stare at art, and speak to people, and listen, but I actually want to BE a nurse. Scary though… the getting there is the scariest part, and I’m sad that it took me so long to realize that getting anywhere can be scary because I feel like I wasted time, but then again I realized so much more about all the other things I’m interested in, and I’m happy to say I dipped my toes in many different waters.
So I’m almost done at BMCC, I’ve done my brainstorming. I’ve trolled around, looked into other careers, took classes in different majors and I’m more sure then ever that I want to be a nurse. I’m scared shitless that I won’t get into any schools and if I do, I won’t get the loans I need but I’m more scared about getting into the schools that I want to go to. My grades aren’t the best because of my slacking in the beginning and it’s definitely weighing down on me. It’s funny how eager I am to finish when I really haven’t even started yet though. I feel like time is dwindling but everyone keeps telling me I have all the time in the world. So now I’m anxious, I’m nervous. I haven’t applied to the schools yet because I’m scared, but I’m upset that I’m wasting valuable time. And I’m coming up with excuses but apparently I have time; I don’t feel like I do.
